You’re pregnant! Or you’re trying to get pregnant! Either way, close and extended family will want to give you loads of unsolicited pregnancy advice and you’ll need to find a way to set boundaries.

While declining unsolicited pregnancy advice from strangers is fairly simple, rejecting it from loved ones poses some challenges. We usually value our family members’ opinions more than those of strangers. And even if we disagree with them or prefer to keep some of your family planning details private, we want them to know we care about and love them.

So how do you draw clear boundaries and maintain your sanity when it seems like everyone else wants to tell you what’s best for you and your baby?

Say "Good for Them, Not for Me"

Sometimes it can seem like other people have it all figured out. If you have a sister, a cousin (or even a celebrity who constantly appears on your Facebook newsfeed) who seems to have the perfect life, with the perfect partner and pregnancy to match, remember that there’s usually more than meets the eye.

Your sister may have had a great natural birth in a kiddie pool, while your coworker had an emergency c-section with no complications, and Chrissy Teigen appeared unscathed on social media after delivering her baby. People will want to share their experience and give pro-tips, which can certainly be helpful, but you shouldn’t feel obligated to replicate someone else’s pregnancy experience.

Accept that Times Have Changed

When we mention modern parenting philosophies, infant health concerns, or innovations to our parents, we’ve all heard the threadbare argument, “You turned out okay, didn’t you?”. Maybe your mom did an outstanding job raising you. Perhaps you think there’s room for improvement. Either way, things have evolved a bit over the course of a generation. 

If your parents are prone to giving unsolicited pregnancy advice, explain that times have changed. Explain that you still love them and value your relationship but that you will be the mother of your child, not them.

Politely Decline

This can be especially difficult if you’re not used to butting heads with your family. Pregnancy is a growing experience (literally and figuratively!). Take advantage of this time to grow strong and proud of your values. You will often be overwhelmed and filled with doubt, just due to the sheer amount of conflicting information out there about the best products and diets and workout routines for expecting mothers.

It will be scary, but it’s best to find out what you will and won’t stand for before you bring a new life into the world.

Keep an Open Mind

If you’re reading this article, then you’re clearly already doing this. Staying open to new information doesn’t mean that you have to accept advice from everyone, all of the time. There may be some really helpful pregnancy tips from friends and family that you hadn’t considered. Keep an open mind, but also know that there’s no 100% right way to handle pregnancy or to giving birth.

Unless a family member’s unsolicited pregnancy advice becomes toxic, try to be firm but gentle. It’s okay to fight with family, but don’t hold a grudge or excommunicate someone from your support group because as the old saying goes, it really does take a village to raise a child.

You may need your in-laws to babysit when you’re planning a couple’s getaway a year down the line. You might really want to vent to your sister if she’s your closest friend who’s also been through your experience. Who knows, maybe you’ll be the one unwittingly imparting unsolicited pregnancy advice to your friends when they’re expecting.

Keep an open heart and mind. Pregnancy is often difficult but also wonderful. You will grow and change as a person, and so will your relationship with your partner, as will your relationship with the rest of your family. Decide how much you’re willing to share with your loved ones and make clear cut boundaries from there.