When I became pregnant, I followed all the rules: I avoided caffeine, never stepped foot in a hot tub, managed to abstain from sushi, and fled any premise that hinted of secondhand smoke. But I was still wrought with worry.

I became pregnant a year after finishing my graduate journalism degree from an expensive private university, just as the economy tanked and the whole publishing industry imploded. It was the first time I had seen an issue of Vogue look more like an IKEA catalogue than an encyclopedia. I failed to land a job during this year, which to me meant my intricately planned life course had been derailed. We would have to wait until my husband finished his schooling before applying for a home loan, which meant I was going to have this baby while living at my in-laws; there would be no decorated baby room for me to raise my first born. There were other stressors, of course, but nothing life threatening. Yet, I was devastated. My life as I knew it was over.

In hindsight, I realize I had much more control over my anxiety than I believed. The truth is, I chose to obsess, perhaps to punish myself, or maybe because I believed overthinking the situation would actually help (I’m not alone in this thinking). But it did the opposite. I may have steered clear of secondhand smoke but my mind was as murky as ever. And worst of all, my stress could have affected my unborn baby, studies show.

Studies reveal that prolonged heightened levels of stress can be harmful to babies, possibly wiring their fetal brains for worry and anxiety permanently. Some anxiety can be good; it motivates you to action. But prolonged periods of heightened anxiety can cause the stress hormone, cortisol, to be passed through the placenta to an unborn baby. In one study, infants who were exposed to consistently high levels of cortisol early in the pregnancy displayed a much higher sensitivity to stress than other babies.

When these babies entered toddlerhood, exploring a room with a balance beam or having a stranger roll a ball to them became frightening for them. Instead of engaging them, they stood frozen by the wall or ran back to their mothers.

By the time the children were between 6 and 9, MRI scans revealed that the children’s amygdala, the section of the brain associated with the human response to frightening stimuli, were larger than normal.

The study underscores the importance of keeping both a healthy body and mind for expecting mothers. Everyone, especially pregnant women, have stress in their lives. But it’s critical to keep stress at a moderate level. We’ve culled some tips from “Twenty Lessons for Managing Worry, Anxiety, and Fear” by Mark A. Reinecke, Ph.D., to help you manage stress during pregnancy.

1. Monitor your anxiety. Anxiety is more than just a feeling. There are physiological, cognitive and behavioral changes at play. Ask yourself, how many times do you feel anxious a day? What are the most common triggers? And what physical symptoms do you experience? How does it affect your behavior? Jot down your answers and keep track of your stress. 

2. Make an accurate assessment. When something bad happens, we tend to one, overestimate the likelihood it will happen again and two, exaggerate the intensity of the problem. Identifying your individual fears and filtering them will help you make an accurate assessment. Make a list of what you fear the most and cross off what’s not realistic. Then make a list of coping skills or options you have.

3. Maintain Optimism. Focusing on the present, rather than the future or past can help you remain optimistic. Expending energy anticipating negative outcomes only eats away at our sense of control and hope. Accept the unpredictability of life and stick with what’s going on right now. Being grateful and focusing on the positive in your life will also help you see the bright side of things.

4. Assign a worry window. Consistently worrying is no good. But avoiding your problems isn’t either. It’s important to confront your problems head on, which proves to yourself that you are capable of handling it. So assign yourself a worry window, say from 9:00am to 10:00am, where you have permission to ruminate and focus on your problem. Then when the window is over, lay your problems aside.

5. Disengage your mind from the problem. Did you know that most people believe worrying is helpful? Many believe worrying leads to better answers, provides greater insight, or offers you greater confidence in your chosen course of action. When in fact, too many negative thoughts cloud our judgment. Your mind is incapable of thinking about more than a few things at a time. No amount of worrying will give you a better outcome to a bad situation.

6. Do something constructive that shows results. As a child, I hated cleaning. As an adult, cleaning and organizing has become an obsessive addiction because the results are seen and felt immediately. When life feels out of your control, a simple activity like cleaning or crocheting can be incredibly therapeutic and distracting.

7. Stop blaming yourself. We often feel stress, anxiety or worry because of the responsibility or blame we place on ourselves for things we have very little control over. If, for example, you learn that you’re about to lose your job, you may find yourself dwelling on whether you could have prevented this. You may think you could have worked harder. It’s important to take responsibility for our actions, but we can’t predict and control external events. A sense of control comes at the cost of feeling regret and shame for events over which we often have no control.

8. Relax. Do things that physically release stress and tension. Running, walking, swimming or even getting a massage can help. Even if you’re not a big fan of exercising, build some physical activity into your day. Any physical activity that releases physical tension from body will help. One of the most effective relaxation methods is simply mindful breathing. Breathe from your abdomen rather than using shallow chest breathing. Inhale slowly while counting to five. Hold your breath and count to five again. Exhale slowly, like you are cooling a spoonful of hot soup. Repeat.

9. Be social. Don’t withdraw. Talk with at least one person who is supportive and understanding enough to offer thoughtful reflective insights each day. These activities do more than distract us from rumination; they empower, sustain and strengthen us. They allow us to develop a clearer and deeper understanding of our lives and possible ways to address our problems.

10. Help someone else in need. When you’re in the throes of an existential crisis, it may seem like the least opportune time to help somebody else in need. By focusing your attention on someone else, though, you’ll take the focus off your problems and feel empowered by you ability to improve someone else’s condition.

Stress is a natural part of life. Pregnancy—whether it’s meticulously planned or completely unexpected— only adds to that. I couldn’t control every outcome in my career or my life, but with the right techniques I’m better able to embrace all of it. I hope they can help you find some peace of mind, as well.